On Friendship: Tough Love

Don’t apologize for scolding me. While you were doing that, I felt loved and treasured, you were worrying about me. And you cared excessively, from there your anger, your wonderful anger.

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While you were scolding me, I could see in your eyes that you cared about me, and I felt good, because I knew I had a place in someone’s heart.

We are not perfect, we are simply friends, and I have the luck of having the best friends by my side; and yes, they scold me, and yes, they care.

You, that saved a place for me by your side, and with a glass of wine, (which is the way the best conversations happen) you told me all the truth, all those things that no one wants to hear, you got very serious, you were angry with me, and I listened, quietly, with tears in my eyes… and I thought to myself: “only a friend would talk to me like that, only someone who worries about me would have been able to tell me the things how they were, direct and straightforwardly, regardless of what I might think of her”… It’s clear that only a friend knows that the only thing I could think of her at that moment is that I love her too.

And you who scolded me between hugs and kisses, and my tears you soaked saying that you were upset because you cared for me. And although it didn’t looked like so, I felt like I was receiving the sweetest, most wonderful words a person can hear; for they were spoken from the deepest of the affections. And while you were mad with me you taught me how to receive in the most natural way possible, those kisses and caresses, so sweet that I felt it was an angel the one by my side.

And you who grew up with me, you who promised to kill me over the phone, who told me the hardest truths that can be heard, and when you were with me only with a hug and a kiss… you showed me that you are incapable of staying mad at me, regardless of the stubbornness I show some times, I know I’m a victim of my impulses and I fall for them a lot, I always have, but they all came from my heart.

You, friend of silence, that with that look you tenderly disapprove my mistakes, you don’t need to do more, I know you don’t care much about what I do or undo as long as it makes me happy, you, that from your prudence only scold me with your gaze, those eyes of disapproval feels like thousands of words for me. I feel your love towards me too.

You, who are in the distance, there in New York, so far from me, you scold me too, and you do it with harshness, and with tears in your eyes you scream at me, you insult me and swear (sometimes with words I don’t even know), you even throw stuff at me, but you do all that because you don’t want me to fail, because you don’t want to see me sad and you don’t want me to waste my life, as I know I’m doing.  Because even tho I came into your life like a hurricane without asking for permissions, you show me day by day that you are not letting me go, for those things I also feel loved. And I know your effort of getting all of my winds in a box of prudence and discipline, I warn you now, it’s not going to be easy for you to be successful. But please don’t stop trying, for while you try, I know you love me too, and I know you are trying to make me better, and damn right I want to be better, because I want to be a husband that’s worthy of your love, because I want to make true all those promises I made to you back when we were younger, because I want to live my life for you, I want us to grow old together, and most important I want you to be happy, AND I WILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, and I know that I will only be able to accomplish those things if I fix my life, but you know I won’t be able to do it by myself, I need you to help me. I love you more than my own life, and for you, I am.

I know I’m not easy, I know that I have a whole revolution of feelings inside of me, which for years, too many years, were quiet, and now come in a mad rush, as is the water overflowed a dam. Sometimes I cry too much, but sometimes I make you laugh, I offer you consolation and give you a listening ear, I give you all the love I have… I know I’m not rational sometimes, but sometimes love isn’t rational, nor life or freedom, I know sometimes I sink very deep and it seems that there are no words I could understand, but I know something, a word from you is enough to reborn… I know my pace is fast, that’s the reason I can’t appreciate the dawn, because when it’s getting darker again I shut and I don’t react, because I need to see the dawn again, because I can’t handle the darkness by myself, and that is the time I need you more, because in those hours of blindness is that I need my friends, even if they scold me.

So thank you again for scolding me. That shows me that I have a place in your heart.

[Dedicated and inspired by: ma, aa and of course MX]

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